The first grandbaby- and the grandmas aren't here.

My daughter Charity is in labor right now.
Our first grandbaby is coming. His name will be Michael Ramon. Our house will be busy tonight with Charity and her husband staying with us to be close to the hospital, and all of the rest of us.

But there will be people missing. Really, really important people.

That's the thing with grief. And loss.

It never really goes away.

There is no magical "closure."

It goes with you wherever you are. On trips. To birthdays. Weddings. And the birth of your first grandbaby.

Closure is such a nice idea. You grieve. Then you find light, and it all slips away.

It's wrong. And nobody should expect it of themselves or anyone who has experienced a loss. You can't make up for a loss with a new happy event. You can enjoy the event, but the missing goes with you.

Tonight and tomorrow my daughter will be in labor, holding the hand of her new husband, looking forward to her new son. And she'll be missing her mom and dad, who are no longer here with us. She wishes they could see her smile. Her new family. Her happiness. I am sure they will, but they can't be there in person to hug her and see their smiles in their grandson's face. My heart breaks for Charity that she has to share such a moment with such sadness.

I'll be on standby as one of the grandmas. There are a lot of us in the family. And as much as I am eager to meet our newest generation and to see Charity holding her baby, there will be a hole in my heart. My Linda should be here. She watched Charity grow up as much as we could, and she wanted her in our family. She loved babies. MY Casper loved babies and helped make Charity a part of this family finally. She wanted nothing more than for the girls to find happiness and safety and security. To have a happy ever after. To take grandkids fishing and camping.

And tonight and tomorrow the rest of us will be there. We will celebrate. We will love Mikey heart and soul and share all our bad habits and fun as he grows. His aunties will spoil him. We will share the memories, and the sadness will be less. Because we have someone new to share the joy.